I love plans. It gives you stability. Security.
A well-thought of plan should capture key goals, have a system in place and a standby emergency Plan B. But what is it that they say about life and well thought-out plans again?
Well, I had a plan. A plan B as well. Both of which are now rendered useless due to a sudden unexpected happening.
I spoke to my friends about this. They were sweet. Rest, they said and then come up with a plan. You’ll feel better with a plan.
But how do you come up with a plan if you are all out of ideas?? I want to scream back at them. But I don’t. Instead my stress levels increase as I keep thinking I need to somehow fish myself out of this mess. Me. Me alone. I look around for the ‘help’ button. Oh wait, that’s only if you need help with computer programmes – not life questions. Is it just me or is there a serious design flaw to life?
I remember I once had a plant that died. And I kept thinking to myself that I should pull out the plant and take out the soil and keep the pot for something else. Except I forgot to do it. And then one day (several months later), I realized that a really pretty plant had rooted itself and was growing vibrantly. It was probably a type of weed and I’m not sure where it had come from but the leaves were red and pretty. But I was astounded. Because it was inconceivable to me that life had actually taken root independently, without any effort on my part.
Cos you see, I don’t think anything happens unless you do something about it. Okay, unless I do something about it. But the older I get, the more I realize I’m not the only player in the field. The game is rigged. There were always two people and not only can you not see the other person, you have no idea if he or she is going to play ball with you.
I come across a quote from my favourite English hottie, actor Tom Hiddlestone.
“I try not to make plans. God always laughs at your plans. I’m going to keep the door open, and keep the page blank, and see what gets painted upon it.”
Hmmm, but what are the exact steps to keeping a page blank?, I think to myself.
Yes, I have serious control issues.