Laughed at by the Gods

(I was inspired to write this after catching AMY, Asif Kapadia’s documentary on Amy Winehouse. If you haven’t caught it, go catch it. It’s one of the most brutal, uncomfortable but totally brilliant movies you’ll probably catch this year)

The world can always be divided between two types of people.

One of the differentiators is heartbreak. For some, a break-up is a rational decision and yes, they miss the person for awhile but they emerge with barely a scar. Before you can ask them if they are aright, they are already on to the next relationship

I don’t belong to this group.

I’m one of those that stumbles out of a break-up breathless, barely alive. With a heart that feels pummelled and bruised. And my skin, ripped out, raw and exposed. It’s feels like I’ve been steam-rolled over and over again.

But I have friends, good friends at that, belonging to the other camp and talking to them about heartbreak is like I’m telling them that Elvis is still alive.

When I first heard Amy Winehouse, I knew, she knew.  The searing pain, the sense of dislocation and disorientation. The anguish and abandonment.

WE ONLY SAID GOODBYE IN WORDS

You’ve done the act but your body and emotions don’t catch-on. You almost forget, then you remember …

I DIED A HUNDRED TIMES

They say “talent hits a target that no one else can hit; genius hits a target that no one else can see”

Before her, there were no words to help me make sense of what I felt. I had a vague sense of what I was feeling but it never existed because I could never articulate it. I remember on some nights, nothing could offer me comfort from pain except her voice and those words.

FIVE STOREY FIRE AS YOU CAME.

LOVE IS A LOSING GAME …

… SELF PROFESSED

PROFOUND

TILL THE CHIPS ARE DOWN

The Portuguese have a term, saudade and it’s used to describe the anguished feeling of something you used to have (and liked) but don’t have anymore. And that’s how watching AMY felt like.

How weird that the essence of her life story was just like the heartbreak she sought to give life to.

Gonna leave you guys with one of my favourite Amy recordings

To love. Despite it’s anguish. Even though it’s laughed at by the gods.

And to Amy.

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