But you have nothing to do

It’s quite funny.

Every time one of my friends is working from home or has a day off these days, I get an excited text message from them in the morning. Usually around 10am.

Not at work today. Completely free. Let’s do something.

I just got one of this today. Unfortunately, I didn’t read this till much later as it’s been a manic morning. And then the conversation usually goes pretty much like this:

Me: sorry dude, it’s a bit non-stop today. no can do

Friend: usually a variation of …  erm, but you are unemployed. you have nothing to do. what are you do busy with? I can come over if it’s easier?

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Because that’s the fantasy isn’t it? You quit your job and you just bask in glorious nothingness. You have time to cut your grapes in half, twiddle them around before gently placing them bit by bit into your mouth. You do nothing except nap, put your feet up, read books and watch TV.

But anyone who has tried to carve something out for themselves will tell you, they are actually WAYY busier now than when they were working. I definitely am. There’s so much to do or that can be done or there’s so much that needs to be figured out. Every time I write something, something else needs to be written. Or I am doing interviews, sourcing people to interview or trying to snatch time to practice dance. And there are always things you can improve like your pitch docs, CVs, etc. I’m not even going to talk about chores!!! (Working at home also means eating at home – think about all that cooking and washing up!!!)

I do try and give myself some non-negotiable ‘me time’ but it’s a deliberate attempt on my part as opposed to it just naturally happening.

But I like this incredible busyness. Because it’s all MINE. It’s stuff I want to do. No one’s asking me to do it. It wasn’t like when I was working … when I was glad to find any moment to skive off to just reduce the boredom and also to ‘rebel.’

And also, I remember the months leading up to before I quit my job when I was just exhausted. Too mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted to do anything beyond plopping onto my couch right after work and watching TV before getting into bed.

I had no ideas, nothing to do and more importantly, no energy to do it.

I offer a silent prayer to my incredible busyness.

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