I’m getting seriously worried about never being able to find a job ever again (What? I’ll have you know no one has EVER called me a drama queen before).
But then a friend was like, come on, try and be grateful for the time off so there you go. Here are the five things I’m most grateful about because I’m not working.
1. No morning rush hour commute
The morning rush-hour commute is now a distant memory. I don’t miss the over-crowded platforms, being squashed by strangers from all sides and at the same time trying very hard to ensure no eye contact with anyone. The no eye contact rule is important. It’s like the ostrich that sticks it’s head in the ground. Hey, if I can’t see and no one else can see, this is not really happening.
No one teaches you the eye contact thing. It’s just things you pick up living in a city. It’s rude to stare, you want to give other people their privacy, you want yours. It just seems like the right thing to do and you think it’s universal ….
Until you go to India. But that’s another story altogether.
2. No more METRO
I am really grateful I don’t read The Metro anymore. I hate to admit it but the highlight of my commute was the celebrity news page. Yup, provider of the most enlightening and philosophical morsels of information such as Jennifer Aniston is REALLY BUMMED OUT that her new beau doesn’t want to commit, Beyonce has cellulite and Rihanna had dinner at The Chiltern Firehouse the night before.
To be honest, I would probably never have heard of the Chiltern Firehouse or even The Ivy if it wasn’t for The Metro so you see there is some truth to the statement that “you can learn from everything!”
Still though, without The Metro, my mornings are more peaceful, my hands less grubby and there has been amazing amount of brain matter freed up to instead hunt for funny baby videos on youtube
3. I have breakfast in cafes
I am grateful I can now be one of those smug, annoying people at cafes in the mornings having a leisurely breakfast. I used to hate them. If I wasn’t trying to run to work, half-starved, to make it in time for my 9am meetings, I would have barged into those cafes and overturned their coffee mugs onto their perfect scrambled eggs. I mean, have a bit of decency. Stop displaying your weekday freedom so ostentatiously.
But now, I am one of them. That’s all
4. Empty cinema halls
Ahhh, this is perhaps my favourite.
I hate having to watch movies with other people, especially teenagers. Teenagers like to talk, giggle and bond during movies. I hate bonding, especially if it’s during a movie. I also like an empty seat next to me to dump my coat and bags on (Cinema halls, here’s an idea for you – CLOAK ROOMS. Forget trying to make money off popcorns, we buy our own and smuggle it in now).
It’s very uncomfortable having a coat and bag resting on your legs during a movie. Especially if your bag is like mine and has your whole world within it.
But on early afternoons on a weekday, the teenagers are at school. Most people are at work. The halls are partially empty. I mean there are still people but my private bubble can extend out to three seats on either sides.
This, my friend, is heaven.
5. No more people
Yesterday I was on the tube and sitting next to me were two colleagues, heading off to an important meeting from the looks of it. The lady is going through her printout and starts to panic when she realises that the last two pages had not been printed out. She goes into a spin, keeps giving contradictory information to the guy sitting next to her (ring XXX and get him to email him the entire document right now, wait, we are underground, wait, I might have the document on the iPad, how do we present with the iPad though, something really needs to be done about that printer, have you rung XXX yet?).
The guy doesn’t say anything. He looks like he wants to kill himself.
More about people at work: http://jezebel.com/ten-types-of-shitty-coworkers-and-how-to-not-murder-the-484658405
I kid you not, I actually feel healthier not having to deal with people on a regular basis. I have less murderous rage. I definitely roll my eyes less. I’m calmer. I think I might just live a little bit longer now because of this break. A bit more of this and I could just become one of those yogis on a retreat sprouting phrases such as “the Universe loves you.”
Ok, probably not. But I’ll tell you one thing, it’s going to be hard maintaining all this if and when I start a job again. So excuse me as I take my book to the cafe for a nice breakfast with orange juice to boot while I try and catch the eyes of as many people rushing to work, as possible.