“No one saves us but ourselves. We alone must walk the path” the Buddha
It so brutal in it’s honesty and scary.
I really don’t think I’m qualified to save myself. I don’t even think I’m qualified to be an adult but that’s another matter altogether. Surely, there must be a clause that if you are in trouble and you don’t trust yourself and you don’t know what to do, you get to call on someone way more responsible to save you. For God sakes, game shows have this option. Surely, we must be allowed this in life.
What usually happens though is that I get so sick of being stuck that I take a step, I make a decision even at times when I don’t have all the information. Sometimes those decisions scare me and sometimes it feels good and after I’ve made a decision, I think ok, that was tough, but it’s done now. Great.
Big mistake. I forget that making a decision is only the first step. You now have to actually walk down the path you decided on. And this, my friend, is when the “sh*t” actually hits the fan. This is when the doubts set in, this is when you question everything, this is when you get so tired from walking a path you’ve never tried before that you curse yourself for making the decision in the first place. That’s where I am now.
I had decided to quit my job to try and explore what is out there, what makes my heart jump again – it was tough to make that decision but it’s even tougher to stick to the path. Sometimes when it gets really bad and I’m really panicking when I think about money, I ask myself was this worth it? And honestly, the answer that keeps coming is still, yes. Because yes, this sucks but what’s the alternative – sticking with what wasn’t making me happy?
I don’t trust myself to drill a hole in the wall. I don’t trust myself to drive a car. But I know people who can do those things for me. Unfortunately, I can’t get anyone else to live my life for me. So there you have it ladies and gentlemen, I’m going to have to grit my teeth and just do it. I’m going to have to create my own motivation, work out a strategy for meeting new and interesting organisations, get out of the house and network and meet people.
Wish me luck.