Dealing with uncertainty

So we’re nearly 10 days into January and I can’t wait to move on to Feb already. I hate Januarys. I think it’s a miserable month, especially in London. Leading up to Christmas as it gets dark and cold outside, it’s cute. But two months in, you’ve had enough. At least I’ve had enough. I usually escape to Singapore during this time and stay for 3 weeks but I wanted to be in London this year to apply for jobs. BIG MISTAKE.

Maybe it’s not just the weather. Maybe it’s because it’s the start of the new year and with the amount of uncertainty I have in my life right now, the year just seems too long and too intolerable without the usual familiar markers. Whatever it is, one day last week I woke up and for the first time in a long while, I was like, I did what? I quit my job? WHAT?

So there you have it ladies and gentlemen. Finally, after 4 months of blissful oblivion, the enormity of what I’ve done is finally sinking in. Yes I’m panicking. I don’t need to panic … yet …. but I’m panicking. I told my friends this.

Me: I’m scared

J: Learn to dance

Me: But I already am learning a dance

J: Learn another one

Me: ???

Another one was a lot more useful. “You’ve got THE FEAR.”

The what?

“Haven’t you watched Friends? Rachel quit her job as a waitress because she needed THE FEAR to go pursue her dream in the fashion industry. You’ve now got it. Congrats. That means you are going to go all out now. Embrace it.”

That was a sitcom. Of course she found her dream job. I on the other hand now feel nauseous.

So I going to go for a long walk. It’s the only thing that calms me down and stops my heart from pounding.


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